Are you there? No one else is listening. I suspect you aren’t either.
I know there are supposed to be a seemingly infinite amount of like-minded individuals around here somewhere.
I am so sad. I am so alone. I feel like a ghost haunting the living. Except life doesn’t keep rolling violently over ghosts, though it would explain why they might complain so much.
Maybe it’s more like being trapped at a train station, and waiting for the next one. You just missed the one you needed because your shoelace got caught, so you’re waiting. Only you’re there for years and years.
Maybe it’s like bobbing along a river. But you can’t quite remember why you’re there. And tributaries come and go before you can really figure out if that was where you should have turned. So your fleshy appendages are getting pruny and you’re getting uncomfortable. Nothing looks familiar but you figure you just need a landmark to jog your memory. So you wait.
Or being in PE in middle school. You don’t really know anyone, and you’re supposed to be running around the track in your stupid little outfit. Other kids are running. You’re just walking, breathing a little too heavy for the exercise you’re doing, waiting for the coaches to call you in so you can go to the next class smelling badly and sleepy.
I’m listlessly sighing, bobbing down the river, waiting for the train, covered in pubescent sweat.
I expect eventually I’ll find some like-minded people. Around the next corner.
I feel so lonely, and I’m scared of the things happening to me. I’m scared of the decisions I have to make. I’m scared of AFTER making a decision how I have to plan to go through with it for the rest of my life. I’m scared of the finite nature of possibilities. Black and white. Yes or no. Would you like fries with that shake?
Is it a question of morality?
Or of consciousness? Presentness of your own self?
I have a lot of ideas and not a lot of self esteem or drive.
I don’t know how to end this.
Which in itself is lonely.
To end this is to end what could be a conversation, what won’t be a conversation.
When I end ill have to listen to it echo back to myself.
Mine is the only voice.
Perhaps everyone else doesn’t exist. Disembodied voices of ghosts that can’t interact with the soon to be dead.
Now I’m bordering on narcissism.
I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to call you a ghost or dispute your existence and ability to break away from an eternal residual loop of actions and emotions. I really didn’t.
I can’t be the only optimist who stews in suicidal ideation.
Who enjoys whipped cream on their hot cocoa. And a little baileys in their coffee. Who likes fuzzy things and cries alone at night. Who sits in the shower chaffing their wrists against a dull razor. Who eventually falls asleep with a lit cigarette between their fingers on the back porch, listening to unseen cars drive by after midnight. Who is woken up by the prodding of a tiny cold nose asking to for their ears to be rubbed, maybe the base of the tail while you’re at it.
I actually quit smoking recently.
And I started drinking more water.
I don’t feel any better but I get nagged less. I still can’t make it up a flight of stairs without huffing and puffing.
I guess I’ll end it here.
You’ve been a lovely audience
And dear friends to me.
I FEEL LIKE THE WIND GOT KNOCKED OUT OF ME
In my world, all dogs shall be forced to wear socks
“Tout en Haut du Monde” (Longway North)
French animated feature film project by Rémi Chayé
Pilot : http://vimeo.com/38442550
oh my god oh my god oh my god
I KNOW RIGHT!??!?!
I remember blogging about this a few months ago- worth bringing back on the radar. 2D animation, still alive and well in Europe too!
I am successful in no way shape or form
I have gotten this fortune three times in a row now since yesterday.They should mix them up better. Or maybe I should start taking it seriously……NAAAAHHH