*casually asks crush when their birthday is so I can figure out their birth chart and see how to attract them and whether or not we’re compatible*
I do this for friends and enemies and dogs I meet and ppl I might want to meet one day and to everyone around me at all times
"Don’t be so down on yourself"
"I don’t think going down on myself is the problem, Carl"
How do I turn my current jeans into maternity jeans?
Why did I just wake up in the middle of the night super aroused/horny? Did I have that octopus dream again?
Kinda pissed bc I missed my opportunity this weekend to have 69 followers
Why Old Books Smell Good
Lignin, the stuff that prevents all trees from adopting the weeping habit, is a polymer made up of units that are closely related to vanillin. When made into paper and stored for years, it breaks down and smells good. Which is how divine providence has arranged for secondhand bookstores to smell like good quality vanilla absolute, subliminally stoking a hunger for knowledge in all of us.
- Luca Turin, Tania Sanchez, Perfumes: The A-Z Guide
If I were a boy I would have a raging throbbing boner that moves around in my pants like a weird retarded tentacle without my consent
I thought I was miserable bc I was tired but after an energy shot I now know I was just miserable AND tired
My biggest problem in life is trying to dip with one hand and the bowl moving
My boss actually complimented my combat boots today. Thats how I knew it was dream…so then I was able to break the ties and begin lucid dreaming… I became the Oreo… and I ate myself